New Years’ Fun

posted in: This Is The Life | 0

discriminatively For many years now, we have done skits as a family, and sometimes including the crowd in a few of them. We have done these at the OR State Gideon camp and many New Year parties. I thought I would share a few that we have done, just for fun.

Tatebayashi We usually adjust them to fit most of our family in.

Worst Criminal

Required: 4 to 8 people

Notes: All the criminals should act as tough as they can. The worst criminal should be kind of sitting quietly in the corner away from the others. (jailer leads new criminal #1 to a cell, opens door, and pushes him in with the rest of the criminals. Jailer walks offstage.)

#1: (shaking bars to cell) But, I’m innocent, I tell you!
(all the other criminals laugh at him)
#2: Yeah, sure, we’re ALL innocent. What did they say you did?
#1: Robbed a bank.
#2: Aw, I stole a Dodge Viper.
(everyone looks at #3 expectantly)
#3: Heck, I hijacked a city bus and drove it all the way to California.
(everyone looks at #4 expectantly)
#4: That’s nothing, I shot a guy – in the back.
(everyone looks at next one. Repeat for each person until you get to the last one. Everyone is looking at him, but he doesn’t say anything. Finally, …)
#1: Hey, what did you do?
Worst Criminal: (slowly looking around at each one. Say in a mean, tough voice.) You know those little tags on mattresses that you aren’t supposed to remove? Well, I cut the one off my mattress!

(The rest of the criminals run to the bars, start shaking them, and screaming in fear)
All: Help! Get us out of here!!!


Required: 5 or more participants

Indian Chief is sitting center stage.
Each brave approaches the chief in turn…

Brave: Chief Lightfoot, is it time for Yaputcha?

Chief: (looks at sun, drops some dirt to check wind, sniffs the air, sticks tongue out like gaguing something… whatever you can think of.) No, the time is not right.

The braves sit in a circle which includes the chief.

Finally, when the last brave asks, the Chief checks things out and replies.

Chief: Yes, it is now time for Yaputcha!

Everyone cheers, stands up, and begins the hokey-pokey – ‘Yaputcha right foot in, Yaputcha right foot out, Yaputcha right foot in and shake it all about…’


Hair in my Hamburger
Required: 3 people (person #1 enters a restaurant and is seated by person #2. We had our twins both be #2 at the same time. Then #3 is the cook.)

#1: I’d like a burger and fries, please. With a coke.
#2: Very good, it will be right up.
(#2 exits and returns with imaginary plate.)
#2: Here you are, sir. Enjoy!
(#2 moves off a ways, waiting to serve.)

(#1 takes a bite and enjoys it until he stops and pretends to pull a long hair out of his mouth.)
#1: Yuch! Waiter! There’s a hair in my burger!
#2: Oh, I am so sorry, sir. Here, give me that and I will bring you a fresh meal.
(#2 leaves and comes back with a new plate.)
#2: Here, sir. I brought you new fries also.
#1: Thank you.

(starts eating again and finds another hair.)
#1: Waiter! I found ANOTHER hair. I want to speak to the cook – NOW!
(#2 runs offstage and brings back #3 who is the cook and pretends to be forming hamburger in his hands.)
#1: What is the problem? Don’t you know how to make hamburgers?
#3: Yes, I do. I make these burgers the same way every time. See?
(Cook rolls a ball of hamburger in his hands. Then, puts it in his armpit and squezzes his arm down.)


Brown Pants
Required: 4 to 8 particpants
Preparation: 1 person is Captain (dad). 1 person is lookout. 1 is Captain’s galley boy. The rest are men-at-arms ready to fire cannons. Everyone is on a ship at war cruising the sea looking for enemy.

Lookout: Ahoy, Cap’n! Enemy ships off the starboard bow.
Captain: How many?
Lookout: 2 ships, Cap’n.
Captain: Boy, bring me my red jacket so the men won’t see my blood if I’m wounded!
(hands him his imaginary jacket which he puts on.)
Captain: Fire the cannons!
(kids make cannon noises. We had one child touch th ehead of each “gun” and they had their arms out making the noises as their heads were touched. Perfect for little ones)
Lookout: Woo-hoo! We sunk them both!
(captain takes off his jacket and hands it back to the boy)

Lookout: Ahoy, Cap’n! Enemy ships off the port bow.
Captain: How many?
Lookout: 5 ships, Cap’n.
Captain: Boy, bring me my red jacket so the men won’t see my blood if I’m wounded!
(hands him his imaginary jacket which he puts on.)
Captain: Fire the cannons!
(kids make cannon noises)
Lookout: Woo-hoo! We sunk them all!
(captain takes off his jacket and hands it back to the boy)

Lookout: Ahoy, Cap’n! Enemy ships off the port stern.
Captain: How many?
Lookout: 40 ships, Cap’n!
Captain: Boy, bring me my BROWN PANTS!


In this you need two cups of water and four or more people. The people in the skit all line up in a row in front of the audience. The first person in line has water in his cup and the last person in line has an empty cup with some water hidden in his mouth.

The skit starts off with the narrator saying something about this is a demonstration of how a person can brush his teeth when there is a shortage of water and you live in Montana and have to haul your water. You get very creative in your useage of water when it’s such a precious commodity. The first person takes a drink of water from his cup and proceeds to brush his teeth with his finger. After a few seconds he stops and places his head against the ear of the next person in line and that person’s cheeks begin to bulge out as the first persons deflate. This person (the second person brushes his teeth with his finger for a few seconds and then puts his mouth against the next person’s ear with the same results and son on down the line until the last person in line in reached. This person upon finishing brushing his teeth releases the water he has in his mouth into the cup in his hand.


We usually get some volunteers. They read through it first before actually doing it.

Radio Jumble

Sportscaster: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. This is Huber Gluck bringing you the latest news in the world of sports. The annual nonconference football game between Stewitt and Dewitt Colleges was played Saturday afternoon to the enjoyment of a large crowd who went wild at the crucial point in the game when Coach Rudabaugh sent in….

Chef: …three eggs, a cup of buttermilk, and a pinch of salt. Stir well and pour into a flat greased pan or…

Fashion consultant: …your new fall hat. This year, fashion decrees that women shall wear a large variety of charm bracelets. A most popular design is to make them of…

Shaving cream ad: …old whiskers? If you do, just shave them off with Burples’ Better Shaving Cream. Use this cream and you’ll be so handsome that all the girls will…

Exercise instructor: …bend over and touch the floor twenty times. This exercise is superb for general reducing. All right now, pupils, again…let’s bend over, up, over…

Singer: … the ocean. My bonnie lies over the sea. My bonnie lies over the ocean, oh, bring back my bonnie to…

Sportscaster: McClerken who sailed down the field for a touchdown that tied the game. What a play! What a man! What a perfect…

Fashion consultant: ….ly darling little summer bag that all you girls simply must have. AT first glimpse, they may remind one of…

Story teller: …a big bowl of porridge. But it was too hot. The second bowl was as hot as the first, but the third was just right. Goldilocks ate and ate, until she could…

Shaving cream ad: …feel the stiff beard with your hand. Does that appear to be very romantic? Our foolproof way to get a girlfriend is to…

Exercise instructor: …breathe deeply three times and pound on your chest with the fists after inhaling each breath. This enlivens the tissues and makes one feel…

Chef: …puffy and full of air. This effect can be had by beating the mixture with a rotary eggbeater for five…

Fashion coordinator: …Hundred years. The things our grandmothers wore then are the most popular things today. Already prominent society women are trying to bring back more old-fashioned manners. Their cry is, “bring back…

Singer: …my bonnie to me, bring back, bring, back, oh bring back my bonnie to me, to me. Bring back, bring back…

Shaving cream ad: …a nice soft chin and a host of compliments. If you use our cream, those whiskers will come out with a …

Story teller: CRASH! Goldilocks had broken the little chair all to pieces. Then she jumped up and started up the stairs. There she saw three beds. The first bed was covered with a bearskin rug, which was too soft. The second was covered with…

Sportscaster: …what looked like crawling things from the press box, but it was only the players in hard scrimmage. We are looking forward with expectations of both these teams winning their conference championships this fall. The players are in good condition and the average weight is…

Exercise instructor: …110 pounds. You, too, can weigh this much if you but follow these simple exercises. Don’t take them too hard at first, or you will probably have to…

Singer: …lay on a pillow. Last night as I lay on my bed; Last night as I lay on my pillow, I dreamed that my bonnie was…

Chef: …cooking in a hot oven at about 450 degrees Fahrenheit. For an extra treat, garnish the dish with cloves or with whole…

Story teller: …bears? Will Goldilocks get home safely? How will the story end? Keep your radio tuned to this station until tomorrow at this same time for the next episode of this thrilling story. Until then, kiddies, be sweet and don’t forget to…

Shaving cream ad: …shave off those whiskers with Burples’. Our motto is…

Exercise instructor: …stand on your head, and wave your feet in the air. Gym clothes are best for these exercises, but…

Fashion coordinator: …an ostrich feather will do just as well. Take my tip and you girls will be as fashionable as…

Sportscaster: …John McGullicuddy, to whom we are looking for great things this season. Until later, this is Hubert Cluck, signing off and saying…

ALL: Goodbye now!

Fashion consultant
Shaving cream ad
Exercise instructor
Story teller



We also like to involve the audience in these roles, as well

Children (together): Good morning, teacher!

Professor: Have you studied your lessons yet? Did you write your papers?

Children (in chorus): Yes, teacher.

Professor: Well, well, we shall see. Roberta, who was Queen Victoria?

Roberta (proudly reading): Queen Victoria was the only queen who sat on a thorn for sixty-three years.

Professor: That’s odd. Billy, what is chivalry?

Billy: Chivalry is the attitude of a man toward a strange woman.

Professor: There’s truth in that statement, boy. Sam, what is an eavesdropper?

Sam: An eavesdropper is a sort of bird, I think.

Professor: Mary Jane, what is a skeleton?

Mary Jane: A skeleton is…a skeleton is a man with his inside out…and his outside off.

Professor: That will do. Now, Tommy, I want you to correct, please, this sentence: “The bull and the cow is in the field.”

Tommy: It ought to go, “The bull and the cow is in the garden.”

Professor: Why, my dear boy?

Tommy: Because everybody knows the bulls don’t stay where they’re supposed to!

Professor: That’s terrible, Tommy! Where’s your grammar?

Tommy: She’s home making a quilt.

Professor: Now, let’s try geography. Anne, what people live in the Po Valley?

Anne: I don’t know…unless it’s po’ people.

Professor: That will do. Hank, where is New York?

Hank: I think they are in the World Series.

Professor: Susan, what canal connects the Mediterranean and Red Seas?

Susan: The Sewage Canal.

Professor: Harold, who was sorry when the Prodical Son returned?

Harold: The fatted calf!

Professor: Roberta, what is guerrilla warfare?

Roberta: Guerrilla warfare is when the sides get up to monkey tricks.

Professor: Billy, what is a yokel?

Billy: A yokel is the way people call to each other in the Alps.

Professor: That is quite enough! Sam, since pro means the opposite of con, can you give me an illustration?

Sam: Certainly. Progress and Congress.

Professor: Mary Jane, name three relative pronouns.

Mary Jane: Aunt, uncle, brother.

Professor: That is NOT what you have been taught! Tommy, what is LXXX?

Tommy: Love and kisses?

Professor (looking disgusted): Anne, what part did the US Navy play in WWII?

Anne: It played the Star-Spangled Banner.

Professor: Hank, How many wars were waged against Spain?

Hank: Six

Professor: Enumerate them.

Hank: One, two, three, four, five, six.

Professor: Hmmm. Well, so much for public education! I guess you should have been homeschooled!



Scene: Doctor’s office

Characters: Doctor
Volunteer from audience
6 “sick” people

Choose someone from the audience to be the “volunteer.” Have them sit in the chair.

Doctor (to nurse): Miss Sippi, will you come here a minute?

Nurse: Yes, doctor?

Doctor: I want to show you our new machine that cures any ill.

Nurse: That’s wonderful, Doctor! How do you do it?

Doctor: Why, you take this cap and put it on a patient, like this. (Places on self) Then you transfer the illness of the patient into Bob here (places cap on Bob. We used a large bowl from the kitchen).

Nurse: Well, that certainly is a wonderful invention if it works.

Doctor: Say, I believe there’s a patient coming. See if there is, Miss Sippi.

Patient #1 (entering with hand up in the air): Doctor, my hand is giving me some trouble. I have heard about your machine. Can you help me?

Doctor: Sure! (fastens cap on patient, runs machine. Suddenly patient lowers hand, Bob raises his. May need some reminding). See, you’re cured!

Patient #1: Thank you so much, doctor. I’m cured! Here’s twenty-five dollars. (leaves)

Nurse: Here’s a second patient, Doctor.

Patient #2 (jerking): Doctor, I’ve got a nervous affliction. If you can cure me, I’ll give you $100.

Doctor: Thank you, my friend. I have utmost confidence in the machine. Let us put this cap on you. (Does so, turns on machine, patient stops jerking, Bob starts jerking, hand up in the air.) See, you’re cured!

Patient #2: Thank you so much, doctor. Here’s the money. (leaves)

Nurse: Doctor, your fame is spreading! Here’s another patient.
Patient #3 (winking): Doctor, I’ve got a terrible affliction! I can’t quit winking!

Doctor: You are as good as cured. Take a seat and let us fasten this cap on you. (does so, and patient stops winking, adding another affliction to Bob). See, you are cured.

Patient #3: Thank you, doctor. You have relieved me greatly! (pays and leaves)

Nurse: Here’s another patient to see you.

Patient #4 (enters kicking a leg out): Doctor, I was kicked by a mule and now cannot stop kicking, myself! Can you help?

Doctor: Oh yes…have a seat right here. (goes through all the motions)

Patient #4: Thank you so much, doctor! (pays and leaves)

Nurse: Here is another patient, doctor.

Patient #5 (enters sticking tongue out, in, out, in): Doctor, I don’t know what’s come upon me. Can you help?

Doctor: Certainly! I know just the cure! (goes through all the motions)

Patient #5: Thank you doctor! I haven’t felt this good in a very long time! (Pays and leaves)

Nurse: Can you fit another patient in before closing time?

Doctor: Oh certainly! My machine is working wonderfully!

Patient #6 (enters itching all over): Oh doctor! I hear you can cure me! I’ve been putting off seeing anyone about my affliction for three years! I need some relief!

Doctor: Yes, yes, yes. Come sit right here. (goes through motions…if Bob lets him get this far)

Patient #6: (Thanks doctor, pays, leaves)

Nurse: Doctor. It is closing time. I do believe you have seen the last patient for the day.

(both leave)


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